Saturday, February 12, 2011

She's a soul shaker, heartbreaker, dream maker....

The most beautiful little girl graced us with her arrival February 4, 2011 at 9:23am!!! There is entirely too much emotion to possibly convey even a fraction of what we feel for her and for the experience of bringing her into the world via words alone but we'll try :)

Emerson Zo Sehy weighed in at 6lbs 12oz and 19.25 inches after 15.5 hours of "labor". I put that in quotations because to me labor insinuates movie-like groans, grunting, sweat and pain. It wasn't really like that. At all. My water broke at home two hours after the doctor had told me that it looked like I was going to carry well passed my due date (keep in mind my due date was Feb 9). We had scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound on Feb 14 and were hoping the doctor on call might be so kind as to induce at a week passed her due date. I was extremely discouraged as the discomfort of being 9 months pregnant was starting to really weigh on me, literally and figuratively. I came home teary eyed while Luke did his best to console me. Within a couple of hours I felt what can only be described as a "pop". The short of that feeling was that my water broke. We were in disbelief to say the least and as we grabbed the hospital bag and a few other essentials I was expecting a tremendous amount of pain to immediately follow the breaking of the water. Instead I found myself hoping that with as much water as it felt like I was losing that it didn't look like I couldn't stop peeing my pants as we maneuvered our way through the hospital to the labor and delivery ward. We checked in and as they confirmed that my water broke, they hooked me up to the appropriate machines. Slowly the contractions started coming but were tolerable. I had set myself up to expect the worst. When I remained 1cm dialated for a few hours they decided to hook me up to a bag of pitocin. I said yes, please to the epidural at that point, knowing the pitocin was suppose to increase the rate of my contractions and invite the pain in with open arms. After the epidural, it was literally a cake walk. I wasn't in any kind of pain, just tired and starving. We tried to nap throughout the night without much luck as the doctors and nurses were in and out every few minutes. In the morning (exact times escape me), Bean still hadn't dropped so they decided they needed to break what they called a 'forbag' of water. Once that was accomplished it was only a matter of 3 or 4 hours before I was fully dialated and it was time to push. We pushed for 15 minutes and she came out screaming and healthy :) (I say 'we' because i feel like Luke's support was just as effective as my physical efforts in pushing... I really, really could not have done it without him by my side.) They handed her directly to me as Luke cut the umbilical chord and I found myself drowning in emotion that I have never come close to experiencing. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and her Dad standing there with us both.... well, I just don't have words.  I couldn't contain my tears and I didn't even try. She stole my heart and shook my soul in a matter of a split second and I know without a doubt it will last a life time :)

Enter: pain like I've never experienced. After the epidural wore off I found myself scared to even go to the bathroom because of how much it hurt. I had a second degree tear that they had sewn up (pre epidural wear-off) and I couldn't sit, lay down or walk without asking myself if I would survive this. But everytime I thought about her I knew I'd go through whatever was necessary to have her again and again. My extreme frustrations grew from the fact that I couldn't even situate myself to hold her for a lengthy period of time or feed her or change her diaper because of how bad it hurt. It was almost painful to watch her float around the room to the arms of everyone but me. Well, other than her dad. Seeing how Luke was with her made me (and makes me) feel complete in a way I didn't realize was even possible. When I say he is amazing, I mean he is AMAZING. Emerson and I could not be luckier or happier.

We brought her home last Sunday. Surreal as it was, it was also so natural to the point that it felt right, not scary, not weird, just right. We have been so fortunate as to have had an easy first week. She sleeps alot, only gets a little fussy when she's in need. And i mean it when I say a 'little' fussy because she makes enough noise for us to know when she needs a diaper change, or needs to eat, or just wants some love and thats it. I have yet to hear an outright cry from her (knock on wood) and know that my heart will break the first time I do.

She had her first doctors appointment Thursday and he said she is perfect (of course I already knew that but its comforting to see that others recognize it as well ;)). *phew* I cried. A sign of times to come.  Relief when I didn't even realize I was as nervous as I was. I just want her to be healthy, that is my first priority and number one objective.  So yeah, I cried out of happiness and relief. Ok, I shed a few tears. I didn't CRY cry. Just to clarify :)

So, my pain has subsided and so far any raging hormones or lack there of are just emphasizing my happiness rather than dragging me through any baby blues. I find myself shedding a few tears from time to time when I look at her and see that the man I love and myself created what can only be described as a soul shaker, heartbreaker and dream maker, Ms. Emerson Zo Sehy :)

1 comment:

  1. Well written Ashly, not that i had any doubts. :) I'm happy for you and your little family. You will make a wonderful mother. Enjoy every little second of it! :)