Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Deep Thoughts, by Mom (that would be me, i'm a mom now :))

So far not much has happened with the Kicker since the beginning. The kicker, bean, little one, the as yet unnamed new light of our lives. Nothing out of the ordinary that is (knock on wood). She's growing and we're loving it:) But much has happened with us. For this stretch of verbage I'll share my personal experiences as an up and coming mother. These experiences mostly center around "Holy crap, i'm going to be a mother" (i'll elaborate shortly) and "Holy crap what is happening to my body". So pretty much, my whole life has changed. But please don't misread... I am happy about what has happened and even happier about what is going to happen. But holy crap, my whole life has changed! :)

Growing up I may have had dolls, I don't really remember. I mean dolls other than Strawberry Shortcake. THAT I remember:) I wasn't obsessed with having children and come to think about it, I don't believe I was born with a biological clock. You know, that gidget that causes a woman to crave procreation? Anyway, my clock never came in the mail. I have a ridiculous amount of siblings and growing up I felt the guidance i provided them fulfilled that nurturing instinct and I was comfortable with that. So it was deemed that I would be the one to never have children, or maybe it was self proclaimed. It wasn't that I didn't want any, just that I didn't feel the need to have any. Either way, I knew that time was apt to change things, as change is quiet the constant in life and so I was prepared but not expectant of the day I would wake up jumping out of bed screaming about my unfulfilled need to bring a being in to the world. As you can imagine, that moment never came. What did come however was someone that I fell in love with. Like the kind of love that feels ok. What I mean by 'ok' is 'right'... the real stuff if you will. The kind that I can trust. (If you've ever been jilted, then you know what I mean). Finally, a man I am absolutely crazy about! Without any ifs, ands, or buts. The best kind of love :) (if all this sappiness is making you sick to your stomach, I apologize. I just can't help it:) if it was you, you'd understand)

All of this being said, and all of you knowing that we are expecting, I'll skip the part about finding out and the initial reactions and blah blah blah. I've heard a lot from family members of mine "oh, from the girl who was never going to haaaaave children" and that, along with this new amazing feeling of being a mother (she may not have officially arrived yet, but i'd say i am officially a mother anyway:)) got me thinking about my cautious treading in the light of procreation. I know without a doubt that my childhood, my past, current, and future approach to motherhood along with the existing emotional support of the most important person in my life (yup, that'd be Luke:)) will bring me into the light of being the best possible mother our bean can have. Together, we are prepared to show her the purest kind of love there is (probably going to overdue it a bit too, poor bean:)). She may not have been "planned" but the best things that have happened in my life have not been planned at all. Make no mistake about it, the three of us WILL rock this :)

So have I convinced you yet? :) I know no convincing is necessary, just sharing thoughts. And ranting a little maybe :) Stay tuned for part 2... the "Holy crap, what is happening to my body" portion of the pregnancy :)

much love to you all!


  1. thanks jess... for reading and the comments! blogging is new for me but i think its something i'll like :) its an easy way to keep the moms posted on the three of us at the very least. hope all is well with you!

  2. This is great! and you are such a talented writer, Ashly---just like turning the pages of a book! Can't wait for the next chapter!!!